Men and Therapy: Breaking Down the Barrier

Men are in a mental health crisis — and most of them are dealing with it alone.

Men in Canada die by suicide at three times the rate of women. They're significantly less likely to be diagnosed with depression and anxiety — not because they experience it less, but because they're less likely to seek diagnosis. They use mental health services at roughly half the rate of women, and when they do seek help, it's often after a crisis has already occurred.

The gap is real. And it's not because men are stronger.

Why Men Don't Go

Most of the men I've worked with who eventually came to therapy had the same experience: they waited a long time. Some waited years. Some waited until their marriage was at the breaking point, or until work performance had deteriorated enough that their job was at risk, or until they'd had the kind of thought at 3am that scared them into doing something different.

The reasons for waiting are usually some combination of:

• The belief that needing help is weakness. This message is cultural, often absorbed early, and deeply internalized. It doesn't go away just because you understand intellectually that it's not true.
• Not knowing what therapy actually looks like. Many men imagine a couch, a notepad, being asked about their childhood, and crying. For a lot of men, that's not appealing. And honestly? That's not what good therapy looks like either.
• Not having the vocabulary. Men are often less practiced at identifying and naming emotions. “Something's wrong” doesn't feel like enough to justify making an appointment.
• Fear of judgement. What will the therapist think of me? What if I'm not “sick enough” to be here?

What Therapy for Men Actually Looks Like

I want to dispel the couch-and-crying image, because it keeps men out of rooms that could genuinely help them.

Good therapy for men is practical. It's goal-oriented. We identify what's not working, we understand why it's not working, and we build concrete strategies to change it. It's not about processing your childhood for its own sake — it's about understanding how your history is affecting your current life, and making different choices.

The therapeutic approaches I use most with men — CBT, ACT, SFBT — all have a here-and-now focus. They're about building skills and taking action, not endlessly analyzing feelings. When deeper work is needed (and sometimes it is), I have the tools for that too. But I follow the client's lead on pace and depth.

I also don't expect men to arrive with the right vocabulary for what they're experiencing. “I feel off,” “I've been getting into a lot of arguments,” “I can't sleep,” “I just feel like nothing matters” — all of those are enough to start. You don't need a diagnosis. You don't need a coherent narrative. You just need to show up.

What Good Therapy for Men Produces

Men who get past the barrier consistently report the same things: better sleep. Less reactivity — fewer blowups. Better relationships. A clearer sense of what they want and how to get it. More capacity to be present with their families.

None of that requires crying on a couch. It requires honesty and effort — the same qualities that make men good at the other hard things in their lives.

How to Take the First Step

Book a free 20-minute consultation call. That's it. No paperwork, no commitment, no need to have figured out what you want to say. It's a conversation about what's going on and whether working together makes sense. You can hang up and never call again if it doesn't feel right — no pressure either way.

Most men who take that first step tell me afterward that they wish they'd done it years earlier. I can't promise that's how it'll land for you. But I can promise that a 20-minute call costs nothing except 15 minutes.

Andrew Garnet MSW, RSW

Registered Social Worker with 18 years of experience in Scarborough, Ontario. Andrew specializes in trauma therapy, EMDR, men's mental health, and support for first responders and veterans. Full bio →